


The Sky is Too Crowded

by bespokenboy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Drama, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 23:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3097394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bespokenboy/pseuds/bespokenboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luhan the backup dancer tries to capture the heart of the singer Jongdae, one of the company's biggest rising stars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sky is Too Crowded

**Author's Note:**

> written for chenandluhan 2014

  
  
"Who's Luhan?"  
  
Luhan never thought he could be so humbled, so humiliated by two simple words.   
  
All his life, he had been a star: Lu Han, the star student, star athlete, pride and joy of his family's  _xing_  name. But all those stars had been blown out when Han chose a different route of stardom under the mononymous stage name "Luhan". According to Electric Shock Records, one man was too few for an act of Luhan's caliber, and according to Kim Jongdae, one name was apparently too many to remember.   
  
"Good, but not good enough" are five words that defined Luhan from the moment he gave up on his college entrance exams and flunked his first audition. If Luhan was a composer, this period in his life would have been his personal "variations on a theme": a string of flopped auditions, unreturned phone calls, and, at best, sincere apologies for Luhan's bad luck. He had always been told that he had a good grasp on dance and a decent voice, but he lacked a unique spark in either area that would be enough to ignite a solo career. Because of this apparent shortcoming, when Luhan was finally signed onto a record company, it was not as a solo artist as he dreamed of being, but as a backup dancer.   
  
As a burgeoning force in the entertainment industry, Electric Shock Records counted itself lucky to have discovered several sources of raw talent from the company's very conception. Unlike other companies that churn out one boy or girl group after another, Electric Shock focuses more on individual solo artists. Primarily, the premier talent and faces of the company: Henry Lau, Kim Jongdae, and their female counterparts, Jessica Jung and Zhang Liyin.   
  
The four artists give the company a well-rounded sound, producing both infectious pop tunes (Henry and Jessica's specialty) and mellower ballads (Jongdae and Liyin's.) Jongdae is a relatively new recruit, but the other three anchors of the company had been with Electric Shock from its humble beginnings.   
  
All four of them were used to occupying an entire stage on their own without the extra distraction of auxiliary performers and choreography. But being the hardworking, versatile artists that they are, when the public demanded bigger, flashier shows, the performers slipped into the roles of bona fide pop idols with choreographed routines and backup dancers.   
  
As the most senior and most established artist at the company, Liyin was given the choice of whether or not she wanted to adapt her style to the new trends in pop music. She wisely chose to continue producing gorgeous, heartwrenching ballads, which was what she was known for, what her fans adored her for. Both Henry and Jessica proved their adaptability as artists when their latest pop singles were both smash hits.   
  
For Jongdae, however, completely changing his style and performing with backup dancers did not come so easily. As the resident specialist in power ballads, Jongdae was far more accustomed to and comfortable with performing alone. His unsure attempts at "dancing" and his awkward interactions with the other dancers on stage were, as his manager puts it:  
  
"Dorky."  
  
"Hyung!" Jongdae whines, folding his arms across his chest. "I don't see what the big deal is, why can't I just stick to ballads?"  
  
Joonmyun tries to swallow his sigh and explain as patiently as he can. "Because your career has only just taken off, and you need to show different sides of yourself as an artist so people don't think you're just a one trick pony."  
  
"I resent that," Jongdae grumbles. "People just need to appreciate the fact that I'm good at my one trick."  
  
"I apologize for Jongdae's behavior today," Joonmyun says, addressing the other five people in the room, Jongdae's currently dumbfounded backup dancers. "He's usually not like this. Normally he's almost as charming as he is in his interviews. He's just...disappointed by his latest ratings and reviews, but I assure you that-"  
  
"I don't need your advocacy. I'm right here, you condescending fuck," Jongdae huffs.   
  
"That's hyung to you," Joonmyun corrects patiently. "Anyways, I think we should finish watching the video now."  
  
With a click of the mousepad, the video resumes. It's Jongdae's live comeback stage featuring his five new backup dancers: Luhan, Minseok, Yixing, Tao, and Kris. Unlike Luhan, who had signed on with the implicit hope of someday making it as an artist in his own right, the other members of the group had auditioned specifically as backup dancers. Except for maybe Kris, whose clumsiness at dance rivals Jongdae's own. Luhan is almost certain that the company just couldn't let a face like Kris go.   
  
The thing is, none of the other dancers are in any way single dimensionally talented. (Except for maybe Kris.) When Luhan asked Yixing (who also sings, composes, and plays multiple instruments) why he hadn't auditioned as a singer-songwriter, the multitalented dancer just gave him a sad little smile. "Backup dancers are what's needed, Luhan. I just do what's needed."  
  
Huddled around Joonmyun's laptop the day after Jongdae's comeback stage, Luhan and the other dancers try their best to not visibly cringe as they view the rather unfortunate performance. Jongdae had not been able to master the choreography in time for his first comeback stage, so he ended up doing...well, nobody was really quite sure what exactly he was doing, but it seemed to approximately resemble dancing. Watching Jongdae prance across the stage with his awkward, unchoreographed shimmies, leaps, and twirls makes Luhan feel as though he is witnessing two trains collide into each other: it's painful, but he just can't seem to tear his eyes away.   
  
The others are similarly entranced, but at one point when Jongdae starts trying to dance with the backups, Joonmyun reaches his breaking point and buries his face in his hands.   
  
"Is it over?" he groans as the Jongdae on screen narrowly misses slamming into Kris, instead stepping on Tao's foot, earning him an angry glare quickly concealed by a large, fake stage grin. The dancer's eyes are still murderous despite the plastered smile, and it's a little terrifying.   
  
"The worst of it, yeah," Yixing affirms, patting the manager sympathetically on the back.   
  
Oblivious to the secondhand embarrassment thickening the atmosphere as the others watch the disaster unfold on screen, Jongdae scrolls grumpily through his phone, a frown corrugating his otherwise perfectly smooth forehead.   
  
"Look at this shit," he announces, unaware of the palpable relief alleviating the heaviness in the air as the video comes to a merciful end.   
  
"What?" Joonmyun gasps, a little pink and winded from holding his breath for so long.   
  
"The comment on this video. Someone said, 'I couldn't even bear watching Jongdae. My eyes were on Luhan the whole time.' Who's Luhan?" Everyone in the room is too shocked to respond, so Jongdae asks again, angrily, "Who the fuck is Luhan?"  
  
"Jongdae!" Joonmyun hisses. His fingers twitch as if he's suppressing the urge to slap the singer in the face.   
  
"That would be me," Luhan says quietly, lifting a tentative finger.   
  
"...Oh. You."  
  
Luhan casts his gaze down, trying to hide the hurt in his eyes, missing the significant look Joonmyun shoots Jongdae. Even though Luhan had spent the last couple months rehearsing with Jongdae, it was probably foolish of him to expect for the star to know his name. He's only a backup dancer, after all.   
  
"Okay, everybody out of my office. I have to talk to the execs so we can figure out what to do about...this," Joonmyun announces, ushering the group through the door.   
  
Luhan is the first to leave the office, strolling briskly down the hallway away from the rest. But soon he feels a firm grip around his wrist, and he turns around to tug himself free, but he's met with soft brown eyes and an apologetic smile curving a pair of kitten lips.   
  
"Hey, I'm sorry for being an asshole back there," Jongdae says sheepishly, still not letting go of Luhan's wrist. "You probably won't believe me at this point, but please believe Joonmyun when he says that I'm usually not like this."  
  
"It's fine," Luhan replies curtly, tugging himself away from Jongdae's hold. His heartbeat quickens, and his fight or flight response kicks in, settling on flight.   
  
Before Jongdae can figure out what's happening, Luhan is halfway down the hallway, pushing cold air through his lungs and the ground beneath his feet. Still, Jongdae won't let his target escape so quickly. Luhan may have been a soccer star in high school, but Jongdae had been a sprinter, and soon Luhan is caught again, this time with a strong arm curled around his waist.   
  
"Please! Luhan, I want to make up to you. Let me take you out for bubble tea or something."  
  
Luhan reluctantly agrees, and Jongdae keeps a hand hovering near his elbow, as though he is afraid the skittish dancer will try to escape again. When they arrive at the bubble tea house, Luhan doesn't miss the way the girl at the register seems to melt in Jongdae's presence. Although, to be fair, when Jongdae aims his charm in Luhan's direction, the dancer smiles dumbly back, unable to even comprehend his words over the rushing of blood in his ears.   
  
"Luhan? I asked you what you wanted to order," Jongdae asks gently.   
  
"I, uh, I'll have whatever you have."  
  
"Great!" Jongdae smiles, his lips curling all the way back to reveal perfectly straight rows of teeth. A few minutes later, Jongdae is sliding a tall plastic cup of strawberry coconut milk bubble tea with extra bubbles across the booth to Luhan. It's a shameful drink, but a favorite guilty pleasure Jongdae's, as Luhan could tell from the way he simply told the girl at the register to prepare "the usual".   
  
Jongdae has a pink straw to match his pink drink, while Luhan watches the ascension of dark tapioca pearls through his blue straw as he sips his unreasonably sweet drink.   
  
It's fascinating—the man seated across from Luhan is a completely different person from the passive-aggressive diva in Joonmyun's office. Luhan finds himself so captivated by Jongdae's shy smiles and the sumptuous pout of his lips when he speaks, that he almost misses the singer's actual words.   
  
"I think a lot of it has to do with Joonmyun, you know?"  
  
"What? Oh, uh, yeah. Of course," Luhan agrees hastily. He's not quite sure what it is that he's agreeing to.   
  
"We've been friends for so long, I don't feel like I ever have to pretend around him. He's seen me at my best and my worst. Although; sometimes I do like pushing his buttons a bit," Jongdae confesses with a sly grin. "He's always so calm, collected, and perfect, you know? I like to test how much of my bullshit he can put up with. And yeah, I'm a terrible person."  
  
He chuckles ruefully, and Luhan quickly interjects, "No you're not! I don't think you're a terrible person!"  
  
"Not even after that little episode earlier today? Or when I revealed that I like making my manager's job as difficult as possible?" Jongdae asks incredulously.   
  
It's true that Luhan had been shocked by Jongdae's outright antagonism during their earlier meeting. But the fact that Jongdae seemed genuinely apologetic and even treated him to a bubble tea date made it easy for Luhan to forgive the singer.   
  
"Enough about me. What's your story, Luhan? Tell me about yourself. How did you end up at Electric Shock?"  
  
Hesitation and doubt mingle visibly in Luhan's expression. Jongdae had gone out of his way for Luhan already, so he's all too wary of breaching the limits of the star's hospitality.   
  
"Hey, what's the matter?" Jongdae tilts his head in concern. And then his eyes widen, as if in sudden understanding. "Wait, I'm sorry. I'm being too nosy, aren't I."  
  
"No, no, you're not!" Luhan protests. "I just... It's kind of a long story, and I don't want to bore you by blabbing about my life."  
  
"Of course not!" Jongdae assures him with a warm smile. "By all means, blab away. I've got nothing planned for the rest of the afternoon."  
  
He gives Luhan's hand an encouraging squeeze, and before he realizes it, all of Luhan's dreams, ambitions, fears, and failures are spilling forth, leaving Luhan completely transparent and exposed. But rather than feeling vulnerable after sharing so much, he feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Luhan had been so caught up in unraveling his burdens that it isn't until after he's finished talking that he realizes that his hands are clasped in Jongdae's under the table.   
  
"Wow, uh, I'm sorry," Luhan apologizes, freeing himself from Jongdae's grasp to fold his hands in his own lap. "That was a lot of information, you should have stopped me if you were getting bored."  
  
"Of course not!" Jongdae denies vehemently. "I feel privileged that you chose to share all that with me. Really." He wrinkles his nose at his own words. "Okay, that sounded cheesy, even to myself."  
  
"You're perfect," Luhan breathes, unable to help himself.   
  
Jongdae's eyes light up, and a wide grin flashes across his face, revealing rows of straight, white teeth. The corners of his mouth tilt up in the sweetest way as he says, "I'm really glad you think so, even though it's definitely not true. But thank you! I think we'll get along well."  
  
  
  
  
"He's like the perfect blend of asshole and sweetheart," Luhan groans, clutching onto a mug of green tea that his roommate Yixing had just poured him.   
  
"Have I ever showed you the ancient family tea ritual my grandmother taught me?" Yixing asks absently.   
  
"What? Um, no. And I thought we were discussing my boy problems!"  
  
"Ahh," Yixing intones, nodding sagely. His zen personality is always a bit misleading to anyone who has never seen him performing onstage. In fact, even Luhan still struggles to reconcile the two images of the man. Luhan notes with mild interest that he seems to be surrounded by multifaceted personas.   
  
"But you see, Luhan," Yixing continues. "Kim Jongdae is no mere boy. In fact, we're not always entirely sure he is human."  
  
"Because he's so disgustingly perfect?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Thanks, Yixing," Luhan drawls sarcastically. "Glad you could confirm the fact that I'm going after someone so attainable."  
  
"Ah, wait, you were serious about that?"  
  
"What, is it really that impossible?" Luhan asks, frowning at the lack of support from his supposed best friend.  
  
"Maybe you haven't noticed, literally half of the company is, as you say, 'after Jongdae', including some of the other dancers. And possibly his manager, too, but none of us are really sure what to think of Joonmyun."  
  
"That's fine. Besides, I enjoy a challenge," Luhan boasts, swallowing the lump of anxiety building in his throat. This might be more difficult than he initially thought.   
  
Being a relatively recently established company, Electric Shock has only its company headquarters, where recording studios, dance studios, and practice rooms are located. Unlike some of the bigger entertainment companies, it doesn't have its own dormitory building, so virtually all of the artists as well as auxiliary performers reside in a nearby apartment complex.   
  
Most of the solo artists live in their own apartments, while most of the backup dancers, background singers, and instrumental musicians live in suites with several people or with a roommate. The exceptions are Minseok, who prefers keeping his own company and Jongdae, the only artist who lives with his manager.   
  
There had been rumors circulating about some kind of a codependent relationship between them, but Luhan is fairly certain that the two live together because Jongdae would be unable to survive alone in the real world for more than five minutes. In fact, Luhan is grateful, rather than jealous, that Jongdae has someone like Joonmyun in his life: caring and patient enough to do what's best for Jongdae despite all the bullshit he has to put up with because of him.   
  
Occasionally, though, Joonmyun's idea of what's best for Jongdae comes into conflict with the company's idea. For example, the latest concept that Electric Shock has constructed for the singer that Joonmyun explains to an office full of scandalized faces.   
  
"Is this some kind of joke?" Jongdae asks incredulously.   
  
"Look, I know that a rockstar concept is a complete one-eighty from anything you've done before. But the executives think that it's the right step for your career and that it'll achieve an effect in twofold. First, it will hopefully shock the public into forgetting about your last comeback.   
  
"And second, it will fundamentally change your image as an artist. We'll see an edgier side of you, showing that you have the capability of branching out beyond power ballads."  
  
The tacit, imperative condition is that Jongdae must succeed in this second chance to remake his image. Even with his steadily growing fanbase, his career can't take two critical hits in such close succession.   
  
"Well, can I at least keep my backup dancers?" Jongdae asks, casting an anxious glance towards the five of them seated together on Joonmyun's sofa. For a brief moment, his eyes linger on Luhan's.   
  
"Absolutely!" Joonmyun affirms. "The company wants to dial up your sex appeal, and your dancers will definitely help in that regard."  
  
"That's for sure," the singer agrees, looking back towards the dancers, his eyes raking appreciatively over their forms. Again, Luhan feels the intensity of Jongdae's gaze concentrated on himself for a second too long.   
  
The moment Jongdae steps into the spotlight for his next comeback stage, Luhan knows that there is no way this could go wrong. Or at least, he desperately hopes that it won't go wrong this time around.   
  
There had been more publicity surrounding Jongdae's comeback than usual. For one thing, the memory of his disastrous stage was still fresh in the public's mind. But also, the company had stirred up even more buzz regarding Jongdae's new look and new sound that would "shock" the audience. Nobody in the television studio knew what to expect from the singer, but their expectations were most likely low from all the ridicule Jongdae had received from the media over the past couple months.   
  
Regardless, the screams that erupted from the live audience were enough for Jongdae's team to breathe easier after two tense months of rehearsal.   
  
"Everybody make some noise!" Jongdae hollers into his microphone as soon as the spotlight hits his leather and denim clad form.  
  
His hair is bronze and tousled, somehow looking even better after he grabs a fistful and runs his fingers carelessly through the strands. Ripped black jeans cling deliciously to his thighs, leaving little to the imagination. Beneath a black leather jacket, a white tank top with a cherry red Rolling Stones logo completes Jongdae's rocker look.   
  
Visuals aside, the performance itself is what makes the audience go truly berserk. Jongdae works the crowd like he's never done before. With this new look and new sound, he's completely in his element despite any initial reservations. He belts out every note, strutting across the stage with confidence. He oozes an aura of sexual command that is amplified by the way he interacts with his dancers, clutching fistfuls of Yixing and Minseok's shirts to pull them close, only to push them away.   
  
When he approaches Tao and Kris, he grabs them by the tie and pulls them along, causing the two taller men to bend over submissively as they're dragged across the stage. Jongdae corners Luhan just before the end of his song, curling a hand around the back of the dancer's neck. None of Jongdae's actions had been choreographed, so Luhan has no idea what to expect when Jongdae brings him in closer, closer, closer until their foreheads bump and the tips of their noses nearly brush.   
  
Jongdae lowers his microphone, and the last note echoes until a storm of applause crashes over the performers, washing all sensation away. Luhan's forehead is still pressed against Jongdae's, and all he can focus on is the way their breaths mingle as his lungs expand and contract, expand and contract. And then Jongdae tears himself away to bow and wave at the audience, with his backup dancers following suit.   
  
It isn't until they're in the muted, buzzing silence of the backstage dressing room and Luhan feels a dull, cottony sensation in his ears that he realizes how deafening the audience's applause had been.   
  
Joonmyun is beside himself with giddy excitement from the successful comeback stage and the overwhelmingly positive feedback from critics, as well as the hysterical response from Jongdae's exponentially growing fanbase.   
  
He runs from one performer to another, hugging them all when they've gathered in his office the next day. When he gets to Kris, he has to take a few steps back in order to launch himself into the tall dancer's arms, nearly knocking them both over in the process. Kris lets out a low grunt, and Joonmyun cackles, moving on to his next victim.   
  
"Hyung! Gross!" Jongdae wails when Joonmyun plants a sloppy kiss on his cheek. The singer grabs Luhan by the waist as a barrier of defense between the manager and himself. Luhan ends up sandwiched between them as Joonmyun circles his arms around the two of them for a hug.   
  
The atmosphere in the office is lighter than it has ever been, especially with the normally stern manager's overzealous displays of affection. With nobody else willing to accept his love, Joonmyun ends up sitting in Kris's lap as he delivers the next piece of news.   
  
"Jongdae's next single, we've decided, is going to be a duet with Zhang Liyin," he announces.   
  
Luhan leans forward for a surreptitious glance at the singer, who looks ecstatic.   
  
"I've always wanted to work with noona!" he chirps. "What's the concept going to be?"  
  
"You're still going to be a rocker, Jongdae. But this time, you're going to be a bad boy who wins over the good girl," Joonmyun explains. "It'll be a love ballad."  
  
"Ohh," Jongdae hums thoughtfully. "Noona is an angel, but I don't know how much of a bad boy I can be."  
  
"I'm sure you can figure it out. One more thing you might want to know, at the end of the song, you're going to kiss her."  
  
"R-really?" Jongdae asks, blushing and squirming in his seat.   
  
"It'll make the fans go wild, I promise," Joonmyun assures him confidently.   
  
"If you say so, hyung," Jongdae says, trying to mask his crooked little smile with his hand.   
  
  
  
  
"Do you trust me?" Jongdae enquires quietly, his brown eyes soft and beseeching.   
  
"Y-yeah," Luhan affirms hesitantly. "I do."  
  
"Good. Because I trust you, too." Jongdae is so close that Luhan can see each curl of his dark eyelashes, even in the dim lighting of Luhan's apartment. "I think... I trust you almost as much as I trust Joonmyun hyung."  
  
"What do you need from me?" Luhan breathes. He would give Jongdae anything he asked for.   
  
"Tomorrow I have to kiss Liyin noona. I want to make sure it's good for her, too."  
  
With all the confidence and maturity Jongdae displays both on and off stage, it's easy for Luhan to forget that he's really just a kid, barely out of his teens. Having spent the last several years either in training or as a star, it's all too possible that Jongdae never had the chance to experiment or fool around. Every time they rehearse Jongdae's new single, he always gets shy at the end of the choreography, when he's supposed to share a steamy kiss with Liyin. He would either give her a bashful hug or a quick, chaste peck on the cheek. Liyin found it adorable, but it always made Luhan raise his eyebrows.   
  
"You're a sex symbol now, Jongdae," Luhan whispers. "You could ask anyone to help you."  
  
"Which is exactly why I came to you," Jongdae says, his eyes darkening. "You're so pretty, Luhan. Your eyes, your lips. Prettier than a girl, even without any makeup on."  
  
It's something he's heard all his life, mostly to his chagrin. But coming from Jongdae's lips, it actually feels like a compliment for once. Luhan reaches out to trail his fingers through Jongdae's bronze locks, which fall, soft and scruffy, across his forehead. "Have you even had your first kiss?" he murmurs.   
  
"With Joonmyun hyung," he admits shyly, looking down at his feet. "We were both drunk."  
  
The thought of Joonmyun's lips on Jongdae's sets a liquid fire pulsing through Luhan's veins. "We can't let that happen again now, can we," he purrs, climbing onto Jongdae's lap to straddle his hips.   
  
The thinly veiled threat underlying Luhan's words sends a shiver down Jongdae's spine. "No." His voice is a warm susurration that ghosts across Luhan's lips.   
  
Their lips meet gently, hesitantly at first, then with incremental fervor. Their trembling hands stray, squeezing a denim clad thigh, slipping under soft cotton fabric to brush against bare skin. Time drips slowly until all is still and nothing exists but Luhan's heavy warmth bearing down upon Jongdae's body and the slick pink dart of his tongue as it slips between Jongdae's lips.   
  
"Is that how I'm supposed to kiss Liyin noona?" Jongdae gasps after being kissed breathless.   
  
"Absolutely not," Luhan growls, curling his fingers into Jongdae's hair to slot their mouths together for another kiss.   
  
"-Oh."  
  
In the heat of the moment, neither of them had noticed the click of the door as Yixing entered the apartment. Luhan scrambles off Jongdae's lap, and the singer blushes furiously to the tips of his ears.   
  
"Nice to, uh, see you, Jongdae. Joonmyun's been looking for you," Yixing says, shifting awkwardly. "He wants you to get enough rest before your performance tomorrow."  
  
"Thanks, ge," Jongdae mumbles as he shuffles towards the door. "See you both tomorrow." He shoots Luhan one last forlorn glance before slipping away into the dim corridor.   
  
"I don't wanna talk about it," Luhan groans, covering his face with a throw pillow to avoid Yixing's amused look.   
  
  
  
  
It's completely unreasonable, unwarranted, but the thought of Jongdae kissing someone else, even for show, makes Luhan feel like his nerves have been lit on fire. But he tries to push the thought out of his mind, letting the music drown out his anxieties as they take the stage.   
  
The choreography tells a simple, cliché story of a damsel in distress, except this time, she's saved by the bad boy. Rather than feeling jealous of Liyin, the studio executives intend for young female fans to relate to her instead. Even though Liyin is the oldest out of all the female artists at Electric Shock, she has a quietly charming, nonthreatening nature that makes her a suitable stage partner for Jongdae. That, and the way their voices meld together like none other.   
  
Jongdae is in his now signature rocker outfit, complete with ripped jeans and gelled up hair, even though this time he's singing a much gentler, more tender love ballad. In a schoolgirl uniform, Liyin seems even more young and innocent. It's a perfect look for her sweet, yearning voice. Luhan and the other backup dancers wear schoolboy costumes to complement Liyin's. Their ties are loosened and their blazer sleeves are pushed up to signify their unpolished toughness. It's a teenage girl's fantasy.   
  
The choreography is orchestrated to appeal to the more rebellious inclinations of the female youth, as it is the bad boy with the golden heart that ultimately ends up winning the girl.   
  
It's supposed to go like this: Jongdae scuffles his way across the stage, pushing through the other dancers to get to Liyin, who's hanging off Luhan's arm, waiting to be rescued by her knight in shining leather. Except, when Jongdae pulls Liyin close to croon his final few lines before the kiss, something possessive, animalistic awakens in Luhan.   
  
Jongdae leans forward with his lips parted and his eyes closed, but Luhan grabs Liyin by the shoulder and shoves her aside. His head swims with vertigo as he pulls Jongdae in by the slim waist, tilting his head to fit their lips together. Jongdae's eyes fly open in alarm, but Luhan leans in to deepen the kiss, and Jongdae just melts more into his touch for a brief, delicious second. It's a forbidden kiss, stolen and put on display for the entire world to see, which makes it even more frightening and addicting, all at once.   
  
There's a stunned silence in the audience, and Joonmyun frantically races backstage to shut down the stage lights, obscuring the performers in darkness. Luhan is yanked away from Jongdae and dragged backstage as the murmurs in the crowd crescendo into confused shouts.   
  
His heart thumping erratically, it takes Luhan a moment to manually pump the air through his lungs again before he looks up and notices all the other backup dancers crowded around him, their faces forming a constellation of shock and consternation.   
  
Liyin is nowhere to be seen, but in the corner of the room, Joonmyun is staring intently at Jongdae, his hands on the singer's shoulders. Jongdae's chest is heaving and shuddering, and there are rivulets of black—tears and sweat mixed with eyeliner—streaking down his cheeks. He pries his manager's hands away to storm over to where Luhan is. The other dancers back away from the confrontation about to take place.   
  
"What the fuck," are the first words out of Jongdae's mouth. His voice is dripping with distaste. "What the fuck do you think you were doing?"  
  
"I'm sorry, I wasn't even thinking—" Luhan tries to apologize, his knees suddenly becoming shaky and weak.   
  
"Obviously not!" Jongdae huffs. "I can't believe you... My—my family doesn't even know that I'm gay!"  
  
At a loss for words, Luhan makes one more feeble attempt at apologizing. "Jongdae, I'm so sorry, if there's anything I can do..." he pleads, but Jongdae has already turned on his heel. Joonmyun casts Luhan one last unreadable look before escorting Jongdae's shaking form through the backstage door.   
  
"Hey, since we're done here, let's go back home now," Yixing suggests, wrapping a comforting arm around Luhan's stiff shoulders.   
  
Luhan nods in consent, but his mind is numb, drowning in a hazy blankness.   
  
"He's always been touchy about that kind of thing," Yixing explains gently, passing a steaming mug of white tea to Luhan. "His biggest fear is that his sexuality would get in the way of his career, his relationships with his family... It's the fear a lot of us here share, actually."  
  
Swallowing the scalding liquid, Luhan nods. He feels a similar fear creeping in now that he's had a moment to disengage himself and think about the consequences.   
  
"What if this fucks everything up," he whispers.   
  
Yixing smiles sympathetically. "Don't be too hard on yourself, ge. If worse comes to worse, the company can always play it off as fanservice or something."  
  
Although the kiss had been a moment of sweetness on the lips, the thought of falsifying it into a publicity stunt leaves a bitter taste in Luhan's mouth.   
  
The very next morning, Luhan receives an email from Amber Liu, CEO of Electric Shock Records. Luhan gulps as he reads the message, which requests a meeting first thing in the morning to discuss his contract with the company. He's met the CEO once before when he first signed onto Electric Shock, and his impression was that she was the easygoing, amiable type that treated all the artists and performers like friends or even family. It's difficult to gauge the meaning behind the formal, detached tone of the email, so Luhan braces himself for the worst.   
  
"I'm guessing you've seen the headlines?" Amber asks when Luhan takes a seat before her desk. She's wearing a simple white oxford button up with dark slacks and understated silver jewelry- professional, but not stuffy.   
  
"No," Luhan answers in a small voice. He probably should have, before he left the apartment that morning.   
  
"Well, I'm happy to inform you that, against all our fears and apprehensions, you've become quite the overnight sensation."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"What you did with Jongdae excited a lot of people. Mostly young women, but that's who we're all after, anyways. It was a risk, as none of us could be sure how exactly the public would react. I have to admit, though, a lot of us were worried. Jongdae especially, you know how he gets.   
  
"But we've received, for the most part, nothing but support and hysteria. The good kind of hysteria; your name hit the top searches, people can't get enough of you. You actually helped our company, whether you realize it or not, by shaping our image into who we want to be: bold, fearless, accepting of all kinds of people."  
  
"Oh. Uh, wow."   
  
"Wow is right. This...turn of events led the executive producers and me to decide that we need to change your contract. You will no longer be just a backup dancer, but a legitimate Electric Shock artist. With your consent, you will start receiving vocal training today in preparation for our company concert coming in a few weeks."  
  
Luhan is too dumbfounded to react for a few seconds, while his brain is still processing the fact that he's been given the opportunity to sign on as a recording artist, the pipe dream he had been chasing for so many years. And then, it registers. He made it.   
  
"Yo," he whispers to himself, oblivious to Amber's amused grin. "Yooo."  
  
"Is that a yes, then?" she asks.   
  
"Yo!" he repeats happily, nodding his head and clapping his hands.   
  
  
  
  
There's not enough time for Luhan to prepare a solo stage before the Electric Shock concert featuring all the company artists, so Luhan trains for a duet with Henry. It had originally been a collaboration between Henry and Jessica, but the female vocalist graciously stepped down when Amber explained that having Henry and Luhan sing together would fit the company's new "image" better.   
  
Luhan doesn't see or hear from Jongdae during the weeks leading up to the concert, which doesn't bother him too much after Yixing's assurance that the young vocalist is back to being his enthusiastic, cheerfully snarky self. He figures that Jongdae just needs to focus on his music before figuring out whatever is going on between the two of them. Luhan hopes that things will smooth over, that the awkward distance between them won't last much longer. But he has no idea how things are looking from Jongdae's eyes, how his confrontation with his family has gone. Looking back at the video, there was no way the kiss could be considered one-sided.   
  
As much as Luhan wants to ask Jongdae if he and his family are okay just for a sense of closure, the next time he actually encounters the vocalist is at the dress rehearsal for the concert. It was a detail that had completely slipped his mind, so Luhan is mildly surprised to see five backup dancers for Jongdae's solo stage. Luhan wonders if they had already hired a new dancer to replace him before realizing that the fifth dancer is actually a familiar face. It's Joonmyun.   
  
"Good, isn't he?" Amber asks, appearing out of nowhere and startling Luhan, who flinches in surprise.   
  
"Joonmyun? I didn't know he could dance. He seems really...into it."  
  
Amber laughs and explains, "He was the only one at the company who knows Jongdae's choreography inside and out. It was perfect, since we don't have the time or resources to hire and train a dancer on such short notice."  
  
"Wow, Joonmyun. What a guy."  
  
"I don't know if you know this already, but Joonmyun and Jongdae are only a year apart, even though they don't always act like it."  
  
"So Joonmyun's actually younger than I am?" Luhan asks with faint disbelief.   
  
"Yeah. He seems so much more mature than most guys his age, I know. He takes his role as manager very seriously. But Jongdae and Joonmyun actually auditioned together for Electric Shock."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"The thing was, we could only take one more male vocalist, and Jongdae was exactly what we were looking for at the time. All he needed was a manager, and Joonmyun was kind enough to step up and take responsibility for Jongdae."  
  
It makes Luhan see Joonmyun in a whole new light, knowing now that he had essentially given up chasing his own dream to help Jongdae pursue his.   
  
"No wonder he's so invested in the kid," Luhan muses out loud. "He looks like he's having the time of his life on stage though, even if it's just as a backup dancer. I'm glad he finally got a chance to be in the spotlight."  
  
"Right," Amber agrees. She checks the setlist and points out, "It's almost your stage with Henry, you should probably get on deck now."  
  
Henry had been more than willing to get on board with the fanservice idea. When they're singing on stage together, he showers Luhan with affectionate grins and touches, leaving Luhan blushing and giggling like a girl.   
  
Glancing at the auditorium seating, Luhan sees Jongdae and his dancers sitting in the front row, guzzling bottles of water and patting themselves dry with towels. Yixing flashes him a thumbs up, and Luhan waves back with a smile. At that moment, Henry tries to pursue kissing him on the cheek, but Luhan leans away from the older singer, shyly recoiling from his overzealous display of affection.   
  
When Luhan looks back at Yixing, the dancer is snickering into his hand. But a few seats down, Jongdae is watching with his arms folded haughtily across chest, rolling his eyes.   
  
Luhan wonders what his problem is as he follows Henry across the stage, clutching onto the hem of Henry's shirt. When they reach the back corner, Luhan decides to throw caution to the wind and cup Henry's chin to tilt his face forward for a kiss. It's a lighthearted, silly kiss that feels put on, like fanservice, nothing akin to the kiss Luhan had stolen from Jongdae. But it's probably better that way.   
  
"I knew you wouldn't disappoint," Henry chuckles, ruffling Luhan's hair and snaking an arm around his shoulders once they are backstage.   
  
"Let's get ready for the finale," Luhan says, shrugging away Henry's arm.   
  
The finale features Amber and Kris rapping while the other artists and performers dance and frolic around the stage. Jongdae clings onto Liyin throughout the entire song, leading her around the stage by the hand. At one point, she wobbles on her high heels while walking up a set of steps, and Jongdae catches her by the elbow. They grin at each other, and Jongdae tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.   
  
He presses a kiss to the back of her hand, and Luhan can't watch anymore. It feels like he's intruding upon a couple in their honeymoon phase. He tries to convince himself that it's just like what he does with Henry, even though he knows that it isn't.   
  
Here, there's nothing Luhan can do. But when they're in front of a live audience the next evening, pumped up with performance adrenaline, Luhan figures he can act now and deal with the consequences later.   
  
Amber and Kris are rapping into their microphones and hyping up the already excited audience. The CEO looks like she could be a performer herself. Effortlessly confident, a natural behind the microphone. And even Kris looks kind of cool for once.   
  
Jongdae and Liyin are holding hands, but when Luhan links his arm through Jongdae's free arm, the crowd goes wild, hoping to see the two males interact. With a tight smile, Liyin lets go of Jongdae's hand, sauntering off to find Jessica instead. Luhan turns to face Jongdae and is met with a melting look: his eyes are fierce, calculating, yet careless.   
  
"There's an audience," Luhan mouths at him.   
  
"I know," Jongdae mouths back. He breaks into a wide grin that makes Luhan's heart ache with want. The younger vocalist closes his eyes tenderly and circles his arms around Luhan's waist, nuzzling into his chest.   
  
It lasts for only a moment, but it's enough to make Luhan lightheaded from Jongdae's heady scent, as well as the thrill of touching him again.   
  
Maybe Luhan had just been dazzled and blinded by the illusion, or maybe Jongdae is just that genuinely changeable. Either way, Luhan tries not to let it hurt when he is ignored by the younger vocalist in the aftermath of the performance, even when they all go out for drinks to celebrate the successful concert.   
  
All his life, Luhan has been raised to be careful. It's how he managed to build such a promising future for himself during his teenage years. But he threw it all away when he abandoned his studies to pursue a career in show business. The closest he has come since then to that level of recklessness was when he kissed Jongdae on live national television.   
  
More than anything, Luhan hates feeling like he's lost control. He let his guard down around Jongdae before, but it's difficult to keep himself from losing his inhibitions, especially when a drunk and sloppy Jongdae waddles over to the bar and climbs onto Luhan’s thighs, whining for his attention.   
  
"Where's Joonmyun?" Luhan asks patiently, easing Jongdae off his lap.   
  
"He passed out an hour ago, and I think Kris took him...somewhere," he hiccups in response.   
  
Even though Luhan is completely sober, he bursts out laughing, and Jongdae mindlessly joins in, nearly toppling off his barstool.   
  
"Whoa!" Luhan exclaims, catching him by the waist.   
  
"Thanks, ge," Jongdae giggles, puckering his lips to kiss Luhan.   
  
Despite how thin Jongdae's lips are, they're irresistibly full when they're pursed like that. But Luhan has to remind himself that, no, drunk kisses with Jongdae are not a complication he wants to deal with later on.   
  
"What's the matter, ge, don't you like me?" Jongdae whines.   
  
Before Luhan can respond, Jongdae hops off the barstool and grumbles, "Fine, I'll go bother Liyin noona instead."  
  
"You can't call me 'ge' and call her 'noona', that doesn't make any sense," Luhan tries to say, but the singer is gone before Luhan can give him a lesson in Chinese.   
  
"He told me he was gonna go 'bother Liyin noona'... How was I supposed to know the fucking idiot would go and literally harass her?!" Luhan wails less than ten minutes later, looking down at Jongdae, who is passed out on the floor. He isn't sure if he feels more sorry for.   
  
"It's okay, Liyin's fine," Yixing consoles him. "I'm pretty sure we've all wanted to slap Jongdae in the face at some point, so I'm glad she finally got the opportunity to."  
  
"That must have been a hard slap if it knocked him out," Luhan remarks, genuinely impressed.   
  
"Well, not exactly," Yixing chuckles. "She slapped him, and he sat down in shock and just kind of fell asleep."  
  
"What the fuck?"  
  
"He's had a bit to drink, I suppose," Yixing guesses with a shrug.   
  
"How did both Joonmyun and Jongdae end up being such lightweights?" Luhan wonders aloud.   
  
"Maybe they're just meant for each other," Yixing jokes, and Luhan frowns.   
  
"I guess if Jongdae's  _manager_  is too preoccupied to take care of him, I should take him back home before anyone steps on him," Luhan announces, lifting the sleeping singer with one arm around his shoulder, hooking the other behind his knees.   
  
"Need any help?" Yixing calls after him.   
  
"I got it," Luhan grunts, looking for the exit.   
  
  
  
  
"Joonmyun hyung made me," Jongdae explains in greeting when he shows up on Luhan's doorstep the next day.   
  
"Of course."  
  
When they're seated on Luhan's sofa with a polite distance between them, Jongdae turns to him. "Hyung made a list for me. Things I have to do before I leave your apartment today."  
  
Luhan lifts a skeptical eyebrow. "A list? Seems like a very...Joonmyun thing to do. What's on the agenda?"  
  
"I have to thank you for helping me make it back safely to my apartment last night."  
  
There's a beat of awkward silence in which Luhan isn't sure if the other intends to keep speaking, so he just says, "Okay."  
  
"Yeah, um, thank you."  
  
"Anytime."  
  
He's trying to play it cool, they both are. But Jongdae suddenly can't meet Luhan's eyes. "I have to... I mean, I want to apologize next. For overreacting from the start, for giving you the cold shoulder and avoiding you for so long."  
  
"It's fine. No hard feelings." Luhan smiles honestly, his top lip stretching across his teeth when Jongdae peeks up at him.   
  
"I was really scared," Jongdae admits in a small voice. "Scared of how the public would react, how my family would react..."  
  
"But it's all good now, right?" Luhan enquires with concern.   
  
"Yeah. I guess it is. There's so many people who support us, I've decided it doesn't matter what my parents think."  
  
"Hey," Luhan says, moving closer to Jongdae until their knees bump. "If they really love you, they'll eventually come around. It might just time for them to accept."  
  
"Hopefully, thanks."  
  
"Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?" Luhan prompts gently.   
  
"Hyung said the last thing I have to do is to make sure we're friends again. He won't pick me up for another forty-five minutes so we have  _bonding_  time."  
  
"How do you want to, uh, bond?"  
  
"Let's watch tv!" Jongdae suggests, suddenly perking up.   
  
Luhan tries to warn him that turning on the television would be a bad idea, but the screen flickers awake and soon the apartment is filled with the sounds of overly theatrical moans and gasps.   
  
Luhan really can't think of a reasonable explanation of why there is currently porn on his television screen, other than the obvious, but Jongdae appears to be transfixed, his eyes darting between the three nude males on screen.   
  
"These guys are my favorites," he says so casually that Luhan just stares at him for a few seconds.   
  
"I watched some of their straight videos," Jongdae continues, his eyes still on the screen. "Because they're just so good looking, you know? I'm so glad that Kai Kandy, Triple-X Chanyeol, and Sehun Sweetcheeks started filming threesomes."  
  
Luhan is rendered speechless, his thoughts caught somewhere between the idea that he's jerked off to the same porn as Jongdae and that Jongdae apparently watches a lot of it.   
  
He notices Jongdae start to shift uncomfortably, crossing and uncrossing his legs until he finally resigns to tucking his knees to his chest. Luhan reaches over to press the power button on the remote.   
  
"I'm going to be a good friend and help you out with that, okay?" he asks, and Jongdae gives a shaky little nod.   
  
"I bet not even Joonmyun hyung has touched you here, like this," Luhan murmurs a few moments later with his cheek pressed against Jongdae's bare inner thigh.   
  
The younger vocalist squirms and mumbles something unintelligible. "Wait," Luhan interrupts. "Don't tell me, I don't think I want to know."  
  
  
  
  
"Got some exciting news for all of you today," Joonmyun announces to everyone crowded in his office. It's like the first time they had assembled there, when Luhan was still one of Jongdae's backup dancers. "Amber can't tell you herself because she's currently renegotiating our contracts."  
  
The dancers look at each other with worry, and even Jongdae looks confused.   
  
"XOXO Entertainment is forming a twelve piece supergroup, borrowing artists from different labels," Joonmyun explains.   
  
"All of you will be taking part in it, as well as some familiar names and faces. You probably know Do Kyungsoo from Nightmare Records and Byun Baekhyun from Machine Music Group. There are a few indie artists in the mix, too. I think their names are, um, Park Chanyeol, Oh Sehun, and Kim Jongin, who goes by the stage name Kai."  
  
"Is it just me, or did Joonmyun seem to blush when he said those last three names?" Luhan whispers.   
  
"I think he knows," Jongdae confirms. "Hey hyung, what about you?" he asks in a louder voice.   
  
Joonmyun beams proudly. "I'm joining the group too. They've asked me to be the leader!"  
  
"You're going to be the leader of a boyband?" Jongdae asks incredulously.   
  
"Don't look so surprised! You know that I can sing! And dance, sort of," Joonmyun says defensively. "Besides, what would all of you do without me? I'm like your mom."  
  
"If you're the mom, can I be the dad?" Kris asks shyly, much to the surprise of everyone in the room. It's the first time most of them have heard the man speak voluntarily.   
  
"Of course," Joonmyun says with a warm smile and outstretched arms. Kris runs into his arms, embracing and lifting the small leader from the ground.   
  
Tao leaps onto Kris's back, sending the three of them toppling to the ground. Soon, Yixing and Minseok join the writhing fray of limbs on the carpeted floor. Luhan entwines his fingers with Jongdae's, and they share a sweet, comfortable kiss over the sound of Kris's muffled screams.   
  
  



End file.
